it has been very busy and tired in band for both practices that i didn't even had the energy to comment on it yesterday,
so here i am!

the physical training, the drills, they all reminded me of band competition days.
those bitter-sweet memories.

and i can gladly announce that, : I AM A SENIOR IN BAND.
i do not know why, but when i am in sec 2 i still do not really feel like a senior.
now, watching the sec 2s and 1s i feel...WHOA!

band competition 2oo8; i am still in a dilemma.
i do want to be the first batch of band members to clinch the gold with honors.
i do want to get into the finals.
i do want to be the first batch since bt and bp band started to get the best band award.
i want.
i want it so.

yet,
there are so many obstacles in our ways.
the journey is tough, we all know it.
we will be in sec 4 then.
the most important year.

"what about our O levels?"
our parents might ask, do we reassure them or fret with them?
i do not know.

furthermore, our O levels will be shifted earlier.
that is the biggest problem.
really, i am selfish.
i am not yet ready to sacrifice my studies for band.
yet, i cannot reassure myself that i have the capability to manage my time well.
i do not have the confidence to juggle my 9 subjects and band competition together.

do i have the ability?
do i have the energy?
can i survive through it?

i do not know.

furthermore, even people around me do not have the confidence that we can achieve it.
i do believe that, when even in the first place, you have the mentality that you are fighting a losing battle, then why enter the battle?
even dear and close friends feels that we couldn't do it.

i still do not know the answers to all of the above posed questions.
yet, i can promise the band something:

i will try my very best in whatever i do in the band.
i will improve on my playing of my trumpet.
i will improve in my marching.
though i am in no leader position, i will try to guide the juniors as well as i can.
i will motivate them and self-motivate myself.
i will go to band practices without any reluctance.

for, though, i have second thoughts about entering the finals, i will not do anything to stop the band from entering.
let's wait and watch to see the destiny of this band.

the band, is just another family, whereby many individuals bond together.
i love this band.
but is this love enough to persevere and endure through all these?

perseverance; endurance; determination.
something i need yet i lacked.

i will be stronger;
i promise.
for, because of this band, i have matured a lot.

well, it has been a very long time since i posted.
and yes, i am back to blogging in english.
why?
because i just simply feel that it is quite troublesome to blog in chinese and many a times it screws the html up.

it is coming to the end of the fifth month of the year, and i have gotten back my results.
i can't say that i am unhappy yet, of course, there is always room for improvement.
so, JIAYOU jiale.
i can do it =]

well, i talked with joyce and wei'en yesterday and today after band at the bpp.
x)
thanks!

there are a lot of things happening and i do have a lot of opinions of them.
yet, i simply have no energy to post them up here.
there are times i lie on my bed, pondering on what are happening, yet i do not feel like posting them.
therefore i didn't post for such a long time.

sorry !

i am sick of tired of certain issues, but i can't say , " HEY ! GO AWAY !".
i still have to think of them and find a way to solve it.

then, i began to feel that though people may contribute a lot, whatever they get back in return may be little compared to others who did less.
and, some may fight a lot for some things he or she wants, yet, because of what people have in mind, and a sudden twist of fate, they lost it; while some other people who just didn't care for that thing, got it for some idiotic reasons.

i do get exasperated, i do get despaired.
you reap what you sow.
yea? is that true?
i beg to differ.
sometimes, what i want ain't recognition, what i want ain't what you think.
this may sound real materialistic, but hey! can i be selfish and self-centered too?

i am doing a lot, i can say that without any shame.
as in, compared to some others, i am doing a lot.
yet, what do i get?
nothing.
life's real unfair at times.
yet, i can't do anything about it.

actually, i was thinking.
is a nerd more blessed that a socializer?
at the very least, a nerd is working with books--no emotions at all.
lame thinking.

never mind.

i should be contented, but i am not.
help.

或许现在的我只是因为接下来的路很远而放慢了脚步，歇一歇。
也或许我因为快到了终点，所以慢下来了。

不管事哪一个，我都感到稍微累了，不晓得还能继续吗。
但，我会作出一个决定的。

贺军翔--
帅

你的冷漠态度让我无言以对。
抱歉。
但你太像一面墙壁--随 然你会说话。
但，你的没感情的反影令我很厌倦。。。